A brief commentary on the various phalli in the movie Elf

I watched Elf, the Will Ferrel movie, a couple times over the holidays. I’d seen it before, but for some reason hadn’t remembered it being as good as I found it during this recent holiday season. A few things came to mind. Note in the following commentary that I’m neither religious nor especially well-read, so I apologize in advance if I sound glaringly uninformed.

Although the ending feels forced and contrived, I thought this was a very entertaining movie. Will Ferrel is a tall guy, so his Buddy the Elf is not only a giant among elves but bigger than most humans. While at first take he appears to suffer from schizophrenia, after a couple minutes it becomes clear to any sympathetic interlocutor that he’s more or less in charge of all his mental facilities, due to his force of personality and readiness to defend his position. He debates both a coworker and a boss on what it’s like in the north pole and on how natural it is to sing (especially in the north pole). Anyone with a hermeneutic of generosity for Buddy the Elf realizes that he’s not crazy, but inspired.

It occurred to me that the whole movie might be interpreted as a Christian allegory, and I wondered whether this is accidental or intentional. Replace “on the naughty list” with “going to hell at the present rate”, “belief in Santa Claus” with “belief in Christ”, and “Christmas gifts” with “divine gifts”, and the rest works itself out. Faith is discussed explicitly, and some of the main rules of religion–no salvation without faith–are affirmed. Singing isn’t something you do in the north pole, it’s something you do in church. The father, meanwhile, undergoes repentence, finding himself eventually back on Santa’s nice list. How very American: good, clean humor that’s pseudo-explicitly religious.

Another thing I picked up on, whether or not intended by the filmmakers, is that Buddy the Elf seems to be based on Dostoyevsky’s Mishkin in The Idiot. Mishkin, having spent several years in Norway with a doctor who was treating his epilepsy, goes to Russia to make contact with his remaining family. Everyone is taken by his apparent simplicity, but it becomes evident that he is capable of great depth of thought and action. Also, he gets along well with children and falls in love with a mean woman. Here the resemblance ends, as Buddy’s relationship with his family strengthens and improves throughout the film, while Mishkin’s family distanced themselves from him. Also, Buddy eventually managed to score with his girlfriend and turn her good, whereas Mishkin failed at this. Interestingly, Mishkin, according to whatever literary authorities, is Christ, so since Buddy is based on Mishkin…

Next time: commentary on the phallus represented by the whale that sees off Buddy on his journey out of the north pole.

Jessica Simpson’s New Movie = Failure Pile?

Jessica Simpson’s new movie, Blonde Ambition made a whopping $400 this opening weekend. It was in only 8 theaters, but come on, at 9 dollars per ticket, that’s like 45 people total who saw this movie. Apparently Andy Dick is in this movie. No wonder nobody saw it. Poor Luke Wilson is also in Blonde Ambition for some reason, so I’m sure he was sad to hear about the awesome ticket sales. Ain’t no shame in direct-to-dvd–at least then nobody will know if it’s a failure pile.

100 Numbers

This is the coolest YouTube video I’ve ever seen. It’s nine and half minutes long, just a bunch of clips that count down from 100 all the way to 1. I can’t even imagine the time that went into making this thing. But here it is; see how many you can name.

Cynical Cinema Review: No Country for Old Men

Last week I went to see the Coen Brothers’ newest release, No Country for Old Men. I am a huge fan of their previous work, but this film is a far cry from The Big Lebowski or O Brother Where Art Thou. No Country is their darkest production to date, making Fargo seem like Howdy Doody in comparison. The movie opens with the a mysterious killer named Anton Chigurh (an astonishingly scary Javier Bardem) being arrested and taken to jail. While waiting to be processed, he promptly escapes custody by strangling to death his arresting officer. Cold, calculating, and with a moral compass that is thought provoking, he’s one of the scariest killers ever put on film.

The plot really kicks into gear when a fellow named Llewelyn Moss, portrayed excellently Josh Brolin (American Gangster), comes across a drug deal-turned-shootout in the desert, and makes off with 2 million in cash. The rest of the film follows Llewelyn’s desparate attempt to keep the money that Anton Chigurh is so determined to keep for himself.

The most intense thing about the movie, other than the countless murders, is the complete lack of music. The only sound in the first 15 minutes or so are the background noises: no music or dialog. Following that, the only music in the entire movie is a mariachi band playing on the streets of Mexico. As usual, the cinematography is excellent; the stark shots of Texas landscape at the opening set the mood perfectly for the scenes which follow. The killer rarely speaks, leaving dead bodies in his wake with no real rhyme or reason.

In true Coen Brothers fashion, the film is not without its (small) share of dark humor. The deputy sheriff provides the only comic character in the film, and Tommy Lee Jones delivers some clever lines throughout. Though not intended to be funny, Milton from Office Space makes an small appearance, sans glasses and red Swingline stapler. The typical Coen cast: John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, John Turturro, etc. is nowhere to be found here, but this movie is anything but typical.

There is plenty of blood, so beware if you are squeamish. If you are able to handle violence, then get yourself to the theatre, and get ready of a ride you won’t forget any time soon. No Country is a technical masterpiece of a thriller; I guarantee that you’ll leave the theatre with a newfound appreciation for the simplicity of your peaceful, murder-free life.